July 9th 2007-July 9th 2007
January 1st 2009
When you lose someone it's strange how it can create a negative cloud around you for certain times. Without even trying, it just happens. You're in a bad mood unintentionally. Then you look at the calender and it's almost their birthday. It's almost the anniversary of their death. In my case this time it's Mother's day the first reminder of the year that I don't have both my babies.
With the hubby gone I didn't get the normal breakfast and all that but that was fine. Riley did a really good job on her own! She woke me up too early but it was okay she came in my room and snuggled with me. We lay there and talked about Elijah and what it would be like if he was here too. We made a space on the bed for him so he could be there in spirit. Today I felt like I had both my babies with me. It was peaceful and serene and I just smiled. She was quiet and let me fall back asleep for an hour and we finally got up for breakfast after ten, with no complaints from her. We made pancakes together and got ready for church.
I am in no way, shape or form over the loss. You never "get over it" and I don't like to say "move on" either. Neither phrase feels right. I feel like our family is still here, we keep him here. We talk about him, we think about him. Riley dreams about the two of them playing and talking. He's still very present in our lives and in our family and that will never change.
So no matter if you have all your children, or your babies are in heaven. If they don't have a name or they do. You're still a mommy, a beautiful mommy and today is your day too!
For those who have lost their moms. I don't know what that feels like, my heart goes out to you, and my prayers.
Happy Mother's day to all the beautiful, hardworking, supportive, sensitive mommy's out there. Your babies are a precious gift given to you by God! Treasure them forever!