Thursday, March 12, 2020

The thief of joy

Have you ever had a mid-life crisis? What actually constitutes a mid-life crisis. Am I too young for that at 33 years old? Maybe it's not an actual mid-life crisis, or even a crisis. Maybe it's a early life awakening. Yeah! I think that's what we will call it for argument sake. It could very well be the fact that we are starting a new decade now. I feel like major changes and decisions need to be made.
 In my previous post I mentioned a lot about self-care and taking the toxic poison out of my life. Negative thoughts, people, bad habits etc. Anything that can be a trigger in taking me down. I spent a couple decades falling into same patterns. 2020 was the perfect way for a fresh start. I'm getting too old for that stuff anyway. I recently found new podcasts that help a lot with that motivation and the constant self reflection. In an episode on Rachel Cruz's podcast she brought on a specialist that said when you have negative thoughts you actually are damaging your brain. I never even thought about that. Mind blown am I right? That was just the confirmation I needed to kick my butt into high gear. 
I'm 33 years old. Yes that's me closer to 40 then I was before. Have I learned much from my twenties or even in the last 3 years of my thirties. I feel like I have in some aspects of my life. In others not so much. Those sneaky little demons always creep up. So much I wrote a song about it that may very well be coming out soon so be on the lookout for that. 
I thought I would be at a different place in my life then I am, maybe just internally. I have to remind myself constantly of the things that I have accomplished. Where I am after the tumultuous roads I was taken down. I forget that that's inspiring to others. If it wasn't me I probably would be inspired. Why are we so self critical of ourselves? The grass isn't always greener on the other side. We are always wanting what someone else has because it makes us feel bad about what God has given us. I even heard about it in church this week. God's constantly saying "stay in your lane". God has something specific for your life. God has given you a set of gifts and tools and a purpose and only YOU can fulfill that. Comparison is the killer of dreams and the enemies biggest tool. Because he is a tool. HA! Just keeping it light. 
Bottom line here is I have to do the right things for my soul. If that means unfollowing people on social media if they trigger bad feelings for me. Detach myself from unhealthy relationships/friendships. Run after the positive things. Healing, my passions, bettering my marriage, my relationship with my kids, our home life. Focus on my creative outlets. At the end of the day I am a creative person. I know in my soul what I was put on this earth for. To what capacity I'm not sure. But you bet your great aunt sally that I will be chasing it. I know that God has given me these gifts (sometimes it feels like a curse i.e deep feelings, empathetic) for a reason. I will use them! 
On a side note: There's nothing wrong with having other passions and do them too. I'm working on that too because I'm a planner. I know the music industry is finicky so having my other passions on the back burner is a smart thing to do. 
I know this is the longest blog post I've written in awhile. It may have been only for my benefit. But I hope you can take something from this. Figure out your dreams and chase the heck out of it. It will feed your soul. Remember someone else's success does not take away from your own. 

In other news. Here's another winter outfit before spring comes. (I'm so behind)  


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