{Pregnancy Update} 33 weeks

I'm finally nearing the end of this pregnancy and.....{drum roll please} I've ditched the crutches! I'm still not entirely 100% but it's better than being attached to those annoying things 24/7. 

Nesting is in full swing. I've been cleaning stuff out, trashing stuff, and selling stuff. Especially now that I can actually walk! It's liberating to have a clean house again! 

I almost have his little baby nook all done too {post coming soon}. Getting all the bags ready for the hospital {post coming soon too} It's all going so fast and life is about to change drastically! It's totally blowing my mind! Can't wait to see his little face and smell that new baby smell.

Baby is about 4 pounds {about the size of a pineapple} and he's passed the 17-inch mark. His skeleton is hardening and he's quickly losing the wrinkled alien look.

I officially can't wear my wedding ring now. My feet are puffy and swollen and I can't fit into most of my shoes. AND my belly button has been sticking out for weeks. My cravings are still the same. Cheeseburgers are a constant for me but rarely get to have them. Dessert is another weakness. All my ideas of eating healthy during this pregnancy went out the window a long time ago. I tried I really did. But nothing I planned on for this pregnancy has happened. So I throw my hands up. I'm not the boss! :) 

My only favorite thing about all of this has been feeling my baby move around. He kicks all the time mostly when people try to talk to him or touch my belly. He's already so protective of me. {Or that's what I tell myself at least} 

.......Until next time. Hopefully I can get more posts up before baby comes.

SHOP MY OUTFIT:

Top: Oldnavy.com {maternity}

Leggings: Forever21.com

Vest: Forever21.com

Belt: Charlotterusse.com

Boots: Discountwomansdressshoes.com

Grief is a funny thing.

Jeremiah 29:11 NIV
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Grief is a funny thing. You can think that you are doing just fine. Choose to ignore any reminders, or maybe your whole mind and heart just goes numb for awhile. No matter how much time has passed it will always effect you. There will always be lingering feelings of pain, loss, emptiness. There's a fog that rolls in and settles right in the middle of your day, week, month or year. 

Usually it's the whole month of July for me. This time it started Wednesday {7/3} night. I started having anxiety before falling asleep. I just started to dread the day. The next day was just a sad day, just on the verge of tears all day. We went to the store to pick out his presents to send back home to put on his grave. {It kills me that I can't do it myself} But I couldn't very well sit there and start bawling in Target, so I kept it in. We did our holiday stuff, went and saw fireworks etc. 

I always get irritable, moody. Everything and everyone annoys me. I end up going M.I.A for awhile so that it's better for everyone. So we seclude ourselves from the world for a short time. I had the brilliant idea of jam packing our weekend with stuff to do. After all the hubs just came back from school a couple weeks ago and we've barely had time together. So we did fireworks, carnival, drive-in. I decided to do something different this year and do something fun that he would've wanted to do. So we went to an indoor waterpark. We did have fun. Riley really had fun. I had to fight through it the whole time. I was completely drained. 

Now here we are here the day has finally come.  His 6th birthday. I'm still feeling the fog and being anti-social. But now I am trying to distract myself with projects. Cleaning, organizing, window shopping, tv, movies.. anything.. Give me any kind of distractions!
 

....and that is why grief is a funny thing. It controls you without you even realizing it. Grief is the boss, I just work here. Sad.

I found these to help:

I am feeble and utterly crushed; I groan in anguish of heart. All my longings lie open before you, O Lord; my sighing is not hidden from you. I wait for you, O LORD; you will answer, O Lord my God.  Psalm 38:8-9,15


The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.   Psalm 34:18


Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh.  Luke 6:21


…weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.  Psalm 30:5


“As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you,” says the Lord.  Isaiah 66:13


I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.  Isaiah 42:16

You can find more here 
    

 

{awkward and awesome thursday} ...or just a plain old thursday

Nothing really exciting has happened today or this week very much. I finally got a better fitting denim jacket and some scarves...thank you WetSeal. However, that may not interest most of you, if not all. Miss Riley and I had a fun time at the store. She's really getting into taking pictures lately. I am constantly finding weird and random pictures in my phone that she has taken. We tried on ear muffs, scarves, beanies. She wanted me to hold up all the clothes she liked to take pictures of. She cracks me up! It's officially cold now! It's been in the 30's - 40's brrr and we finally got some snow. I am not a fan of the cold or snow anymore. A couple years living in Colorado will do that to you. So far it's better than the humid summers out here though. I am grateful for that! Happy Thursday!

{Fashion Friday} Mini Fashionista

We have a cute little guest for fashion friday! I decided to let this little munchkin take the spotlight for the day. Honestly, because I just can't resist such cuteness! She was very excited about the both of us wearing matching leopard today. I told her to smile and pose for me and she went to town! I'm telling you we have a future model among us. I will definitely be letting her take over fashion friday in the future.

Miss Riley's outfit {Basic tank: 77 kids, Leopard Cardigan : Old Navy, Leggings: Old Navy, Brown boots: Old Navy }

On a personal note

I don't really believe in keeping feelings to yourself. I like to be honest no matter how much it hurts. If we are not honest, especially with ourselves how can we be normal, or human. I want to help others, even if I'm not so sure all the time how to handle it myself.

October is Pregnancy & Infant loss awareness month. Making it a bittersweet month for our family.
This July we celebrated what would've been our sons 5th birthday.
Since it was such a huge birthday; we went down to the beach. We took a glass heart shaped bottle with little messages from each of us and threw it in the water. No matter how many years go by it's still a hard painful thing. As a mommy I feel I need to do everything I can to preserve the memory of our sweet baby. We talk about him constantly. Little Miss knows all about her big brother in heaven, and talks about him all the time. She tells all her friends and strangers about him. As sad as it is, it makes me happy to keep him present in our lives, in our home etc as much as possible.

I was reminded this morning of the story of Elijah in the bible. I don't think I ever really read much about him growing up. Basically Elijah was a man in need of comfort, exhausted and depressed. God came through and provided that much needed comfort for him.

It makes me wonder if it was always meant to be that I name my baby Elijah. That it all came together somehow. Elijah, God, Comfort. It all ties together....maybe it's just me. It's taken quite a long time to get here. It's a struggle every day, some days are harder than others. No one ever said it would be easy. I have gone through many different feelings and emotions. However, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. We do move forward but we never forget. NEVER EVER FORGET!


 {Quote}

“I was there when your heart beat for the very first time....and for the very last. We will always share a special bond, my heavenly child and I, that absence or time can never undermine". ~ Lori Spray-Esteve

{Verse from this morning} 

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is the Father who is full of mercy and all comfort. He comforts us every time we have trouble, so when others have trouble. we can comfort them with the same comfort God gives us.   

 {Bible Verse on Elijah's headstone}

2 Kings 2:11
And it came to pass, as they still went on, and talked, that, behold, there appeared a chariot of fire, and horses of fire, and parted them both asunder; and Elijah went up by a whirlwind into heaven.

Elijah Andrew Reed July 9th 2007

How we honor his memory

Both babies initials put together

P.S Please don't be afraid to comment on this post. Also if you need someone to talk to about losing a child you can email me @ A_Reedphotography@yahoo.com

Fashion Friday

It's almost October and the weather has been so tricky. One day it's between 65-75 degrees and sunny other days its gloomy or rainy. I don't want to jinx it, I'm really afraid of what the snow will be like out here. I have heard horror stories of the snow being taller than people! Yikes!

Had a weird week, just been kinda lazy. Hopefully next week will be a lot better. I'm excited about decorating for fall and Halloween. I've convinced the family to coordinate costumes with me this year since I didn't get to wear my costume last year! :(  Hopefully get to some farms to pick out pumpkins and pick apples; make a homemade pie! Look who's all fancy! We are only here for three years so I'm going to do everything and anything while we are here!

Little Miss Fashionista had to get in on it too wanted me to take her picture. Like mother like daughter right?